Monday, August 6, 2007

WoW Guide: Five Steps to Power Level to 70 in WoW and Kill Your Social Life at the Same Time

So, you didn't follow my 10 easy steps to quit playing this evil, addictive, social life-ending, game...
Well, guess you're here for the long run, so here are five steps to power level yourself to 70, so you can enjoy endless hours of raiding, to the point that it seems more like a job than a game.

1) Say good-bye to your social life. Dump your girlfriend, quit school, and wipe yourself off of the face of the planet. There should be only one thing in your mind: playing World of Warcrack.

2) For the last few hours of your life outside your mom's basement, go to a local super store that sells items in bulk (Costco, Sam's Club, etc.), and buy yourself a two month supply of hot pockets, ramen noodles, and Monster energy drinks. Make sure to save enough money for the occasional fast food dinner.

3) Move everything necessary to that basement of yours; this includes a fridge, microwave, and a toilet. Remember that South Park episode of WoW? Be like Cartmen, except for the 'calling your mom so you can go to the bathroom' part. You'll be living here for quiet a bit, so get comfortable. Make sure to have an alarm clock also, set it to 6 a.m., that way, you can wake up mighty early to begin questing and grinding.

4) Log into WoW, and don't log out until it is absolutely necessary to go to sleep. 6 a.m. to 3 a.m. should be a good time frame to crank out levels. 3 hours of sleep is plenty, and you should eat by the computer. Maximize your time: If you have to go to the bathroom, make it during points of inactivity, like flying to different destinations, running back to your corpse, etc.

5) Stop reading blogs like this, it's a waste of time. You should be out there killing countless mobs, and completing countless quests. You have no time to be surfing the web for useless information. Go get a free leveling guide while you're at it, search Jame's Leveling Guides, they're easy to follow.

At this rate, you'll be 70 in no time. And if you followed the steps, your social life should be in ruins, meaning you now have all the free time to raid/pvp for OMG EPIX! Well, I hope you enjoyed this little guide, now get your ass moving, you ain't gonna accomplish much reading this.

How to Give Up Playing WoW in 10 Easy Steps

This is a complete guide on how to force yourself to completely get rid of World of Warcrack from your lifestyle. Sure, I gave WoW a good review, but I did warn you countless of times not to try it if you like having a social life. Anyways, here's the list if you want your real life friends back.

1) Sell your account. Sure, it's against the Blizzard ToS, but you can still do it, after all, it's their fault you lost countless hours out of your life. You are, after all, selling the time it took you to acquire what ever you have. You'll be driven to get some money for the $15 a month you paid for the game, and after selling your account, you'll have no drive to start all over again. Use mmobay, or similar sites to sell it, stray away form ebay.

2) Uninstall the game. Simple as it sounds, many WoW players find this to be the hardest step. Just seeing your leveling, raiding, and pvping go through your mind in the form of the uninstall completion bar is enough to make an addictive fan go crazy. But go Nike, "Just Do it!"

3) This is where it gets fun. Take your game discs outside, (careful, sun might be out) grab a wooden bat, stick, flaming sword, whatever you can get your hands on, and just smash the colorful discs into pieces. While you do it, make sure to yell out these phrases:

Thanks for ruining my social life!
My GPA is ruined because of you!
My girlfriend dumped me because of you!
I gained 40 pounds in 3 years for this!

(DISCLAIMER: I'm not liable for any damages to you, mentally or physically, as well as your property)

4) Wait till your account sells, grab the money, and go buy something for your girlfriend/boyfriend, or go out with your friends. The best way to stay off of something is to do it in a group after all.

5) Do something productive with your time, keep yourself busy enough to not think about going back to that evil game. Blog. That's what I'm doing.

6) When was the last time you had exercise? Go out and do something healthy. The years of feasting on hot pockets, ramen noodles, and Del Taco couldn't have been too healthy for your body. Play sports and games with your friends, go hiking, or play DDR.

7) World of Warcraft doesn't exsist in your mind anymore. Don't visit the website, don't go on thottbot to see new items, and just block it out from your mind entirely. Get rid of bookmarked leveling guides, item look-ups, and videos. When your WoW friends call you and starts talking about it, hang up.

8) Get rid of Ventrilo. If you were a serious raider, you have it, so now is the time to let go. If you want to talk to old guildies, do it via phone or IM.

9) Get rid of all things that remind you of WoW. Just like addiction to pot, seeing anything related to it can draw you back in. Yes, that include getting rid of downloaded pvp videos, Leeroy Jenkins, probably half your closet of Jinx shirts, and screenshots of boss kills and dancing night elves.

10) What the hell is WoW again?